gigglesugar -- Byte-sized comedy.

Ruh Roh — Paris Hilton's Still Campaigning!

GiggleSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:04:37 -0700

I'm starting to get nervous about Paris Hilton's faux campaigning for the presidency. I mean, she's consulting with faux West Wing president Martin "Josiah Bartlet" Sheen about her "pre-party for a party she's throwing before the after-party," and she already has a nickname for foreign policy — "fo po." Be afraid, people! Be very, very afraid.

Terror Alert!

GiggleSugar — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Paris Hilton for Prez. The blood in my veins just turned to ice, and an unholy gurgling has taken hold of my stomach. I knew the girl was ambitious, but this is truly terrifying.

Saturday Morning Cartoon: The Superficial Friends

GiggleSugar — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 02:00:00 -0700

Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, and the Olsen twins are back to fight off the culprit who's spreading crabs all over Hollywood. And just who is Captain Crabs? He's none other than Wilmer Valderrama from That '70s Show. Dude is on a mission to spread the crabbers like crazy so everyone who's anyone can only sleep with him. He's already infected Lohan — that one time, at a truck stop — but can The Superficial Friends crack his shell and save their fellow skanks from venereal damnation?

May I Suggest an Extra-Paris-cular Acitivity?

GiggleSugar — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Life. Get one.

Thanks, College Humor!

Jennifer Lopez + Paris Hilton = Conversation of the Century

GiggleSugar — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Ever wonder what a conversation would sound like between Jennifer Lopez and Paris Hilton? Wonder no more. In this mashup, the "interviewer" excuses himself to go "pinch a loaf" (ewwwwww!) and the banal patter begins. In fact, their conversation makes Newport Harbor sound like Shakespeare. Thanks for this ridiculousness, PeachyKeen19!

Dressed to Ill

GiggleSugar — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 04:02:00 -0800

I wouldn't even do my laundry in this shirt—much less go to a major film festival in it. Ugh.

Source

She Said It, We Didn't

GiggleSugar — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 09:32:17 -0800

"The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them," Paris Hilton was quoted as saying about Indian elephants.

Source

What's Tackier?

GiggleSugar — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 09:48:04 -0700

I don't get the appeal of celebrity fragrances, but I'm totally baffled why anyone would want to smell like two eff-ups like Paris Hilton or Britney Spears. I mean, I understand you're buying into their "allure," but what allure is that really? One chick got famous solely for being a rich brat who made a sex tape, and the other one is throwing her career down the drain in her own one-woman performance of "Girls Gone Wild." But if you had to choose, what's tackier?

What's Tackier?

Paris Hilton's perfume "Just Me"

Britney Spears's perfume "In Control"

I Wanna Be A Pop Star

GiggleSugar — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 14:00:00 -0700

Some dudes got together and gave Nickelback's "Rock Star" a pop star make-over (or make-under?) From Madonna to Britney to Christina, these boys croon about the career making and breaking moves of the most famous gals around. Umm, obsessed much, boys?

South Park Looks Into The Future

GiggleSugar — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 13:00:00 -0700

The sad thing is, they're probably right.

She Said It, We Didn't

GiggleSugar — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 02:00:00 -0700

"I'm trying to get a Hummer one designed." - Paris Hilton, on purchasing a hybrid vehicle.

Source and Source

Saturday Morning Cartoon: The Superficial Friends

GiggleSugar — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 03:00:00 -0700

This week, The Superficial Friends are miffed that the cast of Entourage has stolen the spotlight from them. How can the world stay abreast of their weight fluctuations and party girl antics if the paparazzi only follows those pretty boy hipsters around all day? The girls are prepared to put their powers into play, but will they succeed in their attention seeking?

Saturday Morning Cartoon: The Superficial Friends

GiggleSugar — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 02:00:00 -0700

In this week's episode of The Superficial Friends, we learn that Paris derives all her super powers from being in the top ten of Maxim's "Hot 100." But Paris didn't make the top ten this year, Jessica "Not That Hot" Alba did. Gasp! Can the gang help Paris reclaim her smokin' hot status or will she remain an ugly "nobody" forever? Watch and see.

Celebs Get "Normal" Makeovers

GiggleSugar — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:42:44 -0700

What if celebs didn't have all their fame, fortune, stylists, dietitians, or personal trainers? Could they maintain their hot bods and glam looks? Or would they look a little more average and a little less hungry? The folks over at PlanetHiltron.com think the latter, so they've gone and given our A-list celebs a realistic make-under: one where Gwenyth grows splits ends, Travolta goes bald, Paris scores a brain, and hottie Johnny gains a spare tire. Posh, on the other hand, gets a stylish silver poncho. Once a diva, always a diva.

Source

Saturday Morning Cartoon: The Superficial Friends

GiggleSugar — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 01:00:00 -0700

In this episode of The Superficial Friends, the girls are captured and shrunk by Tom Cruise and his "hobbit patrol" of Toby Maguire, Mark Wahlberg, and Colin Ferrell. (That's more of a "hottie patrol" if you ask me.) So who will save them? Will it be Space Monkey Seacrest? Their publicists? Or, will Robo-Holmes assert her independence and free them all of Cruise's control? Watch and see.

Design A T-Shirt With Paris

GiggleSugar — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 10:30:00 -0700

Not too long ago, we visited Paris in jail and helped her make a number of sassy little license plates. Now that she's out of the slammer, she's decided to put her hard-earned stamping skills to work in the fashion world. But when she's too busy smiling for the mirror or skirting the truth on Larry King, she needs to outsource labor. Are you up for the challenge? (And I use the word "challenge" loosely.)

Paris's Littlest Fan

GiggleSugar — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 09:40:28 -0700

You will weep for humanity after you view this. Can't this tiny child's parents find better role models for her? I nominate Remy the Rat from Ratatouille. No joke.

Paris Hilton Power Ballad

GiggleSugar — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:11:24 -0700

When Paris Hilton was on "Larry King Live" recently, she read ~~her own writing~~ a scripted message about what it means to make mistakes and learn from them. Life, she said, is "A Process, A Gift, and A Journey." Speaking of "journey," here's a Journey-style power ballad based on those wise words. Enjoy!

A Process A Gift and A Journey

Leno Gets The Truth Out Of Paris

GiggleSugar — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 00:02:00 -0700

One thing's for sure: late night comedians didn't pass up the opportunity to take a punch at Paris last week. While David Letterman tallied up the lies in her recent Larry King interview, Jay Leno played around with the footage to get at the truth. And it should come as no surprise that his version of the interview is not only hilarious, but way more believable. With all these secrets exposed, I guess they can't call her "Mystery Meat" anymore!

Paris Hilton On Larry King: Lies!

GiggleSugar — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 01:00:00 -0700

If you missed Paris Hilton's appearance on Larry King this past week, then here's a quick recap courtesy of David Letterman. He invites us to play a game along with him and that's to count the number of times we think Paris is lying through that pouty little mouth of hers. Although I lost count early on, I'll take lies over baby talk any day-- so this is progress.

MSNBC Anchor: Just Say "No" To Paris

GiggleSugar — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 14:00:00 -0700

Perhaps MSNBC anchor Mika Brzezinski was doing this more for show, but kudos to her for saying enough is enough. Somebody had to show their distaste for all this "Paris gets out of jail" coverage. Um, hello...there's a war going on and a presidential election we gotta start thinking about. But like crack, the media seem to be addicted to all things Paris. Sigh.

Paris & Nicole: The Prison Chat

GiggleSugar — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 01:00:00 -0700

Our friends over at This Just In... got an exclusive recording of a recent phone conversation had between pretty, pretty jailbird Paris Hilton and her "friend" Nicole Richie. If you listen in, you'll overhear the two gossip about life, the slammer, and possible escape tactics-- nothing out of the ordinary for young Hollywood these days. And Nicole has developed an interesting jail avoidance plan-- one that involves a hunger strike, a baby, and a set of keys...

Saturday Morning Cartoon: The Superficial Friends

GiggleSugar — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 02:00:00 -0700

The Superficial Friends are called to action when their pal Paris is sent to do time in Governor Schwarzenegger's cube of lube jail. Will their super snorting powers do the trick, or will Paris have to put her strong kegel muscles to work and save herself from the grip of The Governator's boob-grabbing robotic arms? This is one cartoon you don't want to miss!

Another Letter From Paris

GiggleSugar — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 16:43:25 -0700

Good news! Paris is practicing her spelling again, which means that she's written another tell-all letter to the people who claim to like her. (We'll call them "friends" for short.) This time, Paris writes about ~~lying~~ talking to Barbara Walters, discovering that Jesus hottie, and all the "friends" she's made in jail already. Oh, Paris... (Want more? Click here to read her first and second letters.)

Jack Bauer's Last Paris Hilton Mission

GiggleSugar — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 02:00:00 -0700

You get the sense that Jack Bauer from "24" is already regretting that he busted Paris Hilton out of the clink.

Jack Bauer's Last Mission on "24"

GiggleSugar — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 00:02:00 -0700

And it's a doozy--involving a floozy, and an offer for some boozey. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)

Another Letter From Paris

GiggleSugar — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 16:00:00 -0700

Paris plays pen pal to her friends again, but this time, via sidekick. The following email was sent at the time of her return to jail. Putting aside all shock and sadness, Paris openly wrote of her grudges, her new metal "bracelets," and the offensive smell of justice. Poor Paris. Only a couple more weeks to go!

A Prison Letter From Paris

GiggleSugar — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 11:45:00 -0700

If you don't know already, Paris was sent back to jail on Friday and given a 45 day sentence. What will we ever do without her? Well, have no fear, because the first of her prison letters is here and, to my surprise, the girl's got more than a two-word vocabulary. Dare I say it? Ok, it's hot.

The Paris Fan Club Reacts

GiggleSugar — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 01:00:00 -0700

Of course, the Paris Hilton Fan Club showed up to Friday's hearing to show ~~their~~ his favorite gal some support. But when ~~they~~ he heard the bad news about the judge sending Paris back to jail, ~~they~~ he got upset, to say the least.

MUSIC VIDEO: Paris In Jail

GiggleSugar — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 02:00:00 -0700

Remember Paris's train wreck of a song called "Stars Are Blind"? Well, it's been revised and it's much better now. All this time in the slammer has given Little Miss Money Bags more life experience to better inform her songwriting. Now, we just need to work on that ~~whining~~ singing...

PLAY: The Prison Life

GiggleSugar — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 09:00:00 -0700

Paris is officially in the slammer. Instead of working a red carpet, she's been given a conveyor belt and an endless stream of blank license plates to design and build. Our little rich girl doesn't want to break a nail, so can you lend her a hand? Just follow the instructions below and Paris will be forever grateful (in a nonchalant, thankless sort of way-- of course). Have a hot time!

That's Hot

GiggleSugar — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 04:00:00 -0700

Madame Tussaud's doesn't waste any time! They already have a Paris Hilton in jail wax figure. Ridiculous how much attention this no-talent hack gets. And look at me--I'm doing it, too!

Source

Was Sarah Silverman Too Hard On Paris Hilton At The MTV Movie Awards?

GiggleSugar — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 10:28:35 -0700

Sarah Silverman reamed Paris Hilton at the MTV Movie Awards. I'm not a Paris fan, but even I got a little squeamish. Was Sarah too hard on Paris?

Was Sarah Silverman Too Hard On Paris Hilton At The MTV Movie Awards?

Yes. That beleaguered chick's been through enough.

No. She's done nothing to be famous and she's a jerk on top of it.

Nothing's too hard for Paris. Ba dum ching!

Paris Thinks The Bible Is A Hot Read

GiggleSugar — Thu, 31 May 2007 04:00:00 -0700

In a last ditch attempt to make herself seem worthy of our pity and a judge's leniency, Paris bought some- "What do you call them?" - books. And not just any old books, she bought self-help books. Yep, she even broke down and bought the Bible (pronounced "Beeble"). Although she's still trying to make Hooked On Phonics work for her, this is NOT a publicity stunt. Paris is, like, totally serious about this reading trend.

Nancy Grace Is Annoying

GiggleSugar — Thu, 24 May 2007 13:10:53 -0700

Nancy Grace got famous by covering sensational missing children cases in the most sensationalistic way possible. Her sanctimonious attitude doesn't seem to be making her any friends in her studio. In this clip, she yells at her crew for running sexy videos of Paris Hilton while she and a lawyer are talking about...Paris Hilton. This Just In shows how the crew might have gotten their revenge...

VOTE: What Do You Think Of This Paris Poser?

GiggleSugar — Sat, 19 May 2007 09:11:20 -0700

Natalie Reid shares a resemblance with a certain infamous heiress and she's proud of it. In fact, she's banked on it. Natalie initially worked as a Paris impersonator, but later realized that she could get a whole lotta free swag and red carpet treatment if she posed as Paris all of the time-- so that's exactly what she's doing. She talks like Paris, puckers like Paris, and even signs autographs like Paris. Meanwhile, fans think they're getting the real deal. So what do you think of this Paris poser?

VOTE: What Do You Think Of This Paris Poser?

She's hot.

She needs to get a life (of her own)!

If Paris is gonna be locked away, why not let the imposters play?

Beer Makes You Smart

GiggleSugar — Tue, 15 May 2007 13:00:00 -0700

These boys have been drinkin' lots of beer, but somehow, they sound very reasonable discussing whether or not Paris Hilton should get jail time.

Caged Hilton: Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You

GiggleSugar — Mon, 14 May 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Remember Caged Heat, the 70's exploitation film about chicks in prison? Well, get ready for Paris's upcoming visit to the slammer in Caged Hilton. I hear she's already taking fighting lessons...

She Said It, We Didn't

GiggleSugar — Thu, 10 May 2007 15:00:00 -0700

"I think I get in more trouble just because of who I am. The cops do it all the time. They’ll just pull me over to hit on me. It’s really annoying. They’re like, ‘What’s your phone number? Want to go to dinner?’ They won’t even give me a ticket. They just pull me over...I have so many cops’ business cards." - Paris Hilton

Source and Source

Jay Leno Weighs In On Paris Hilton

GiggleSugar — Wed, 09 May 2007 04:00:00 -0700

It's old news now, but Paris Hilton has been sentenced to spend 45 days in the slammer. Yep, Little Miss Sheltered can't pay her way out of this debacle and every blog's abuzz about it. Best Week Ever thought to look at the bigger picture and ask, "What Would Jay Say?" Jay Leno, that is. These were their predictions, and here's what made the cut:

WTF?!

GiggleSugar — Wed, 02 May 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Who knew Google was such a trash talker?

Source

Who Was Voted The Most Foolish American?

GiggleSugar — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 08:02:00 -0700

Speaking of FOX News and their interesting reporting tendencies, here's an April Fool's poll they aired on April 1st. FOX asked people to name the most foolish American and the results were, of course, completely irrelevant. While listening to the broadcast, take a close look at the list and see the results for yourself. Hey, it's nice to know that serious journalists can poke fun at themselves every once and a while!

Hello...Hilton?

GiggleSugar — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 01:02:00 -0700

Still young and impressionable, Hello Kitty decided to make Paris Hilton a role-model. A few gallons of bleach, a pair of blue contacts and a Chihuahua later, Kitty emerged as your child's worst influence. On the bright side (and no, I'm not referring to her new wardrobe), Hello Hottie is missing a mouth-- so you'll never have to hear the phrase "weiner head" used as a comeback ever again.

Source

It's A Bird, It's a Plane...It's The Superficial Friends!

GiggleSugar — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 12:45:00 -0700

The superhero group The Superficial Friends comprising Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, and the Olsen Twins, find themselves in this episode lured into the lair of diabolical fanboy Harry Knowles, who first threatens to write a bad review of LiLo's latest film, and then reveals he just wants to turn them into love slaves. How do they get out of it? Nicole choke holds one bad guy with her thighs, LiLo's breasts beat up another guy, and one of the Olsens turns into Bob Saget. Where has this crazy cartoon been my whole life?

What Would YOU Call Paris Hilton's Hair Extensions?

GiggleSugar — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 07:52:03 -0700

Paris Hilton: the brand that keeps on giving. Hilton just launched another product, hair extensions she calls "Dream Catchers." I can think of a few other names for it. What's the best alternative name for Paris Hilton's Hair Extensions?Source

Partial Face Transplant Fun!

GiggleSugar — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 04:00:00 -0700

To celebrate the success of the world's first partial face transplant, Freaking News asked photoshop enthusiasts to perform a partial face transplant on any two celebrities and/or politicians of their choosing. Because they're already attached at the hip, one contestant decided to go ahead and combine TomKat at the head- yikes! Poor Suri has my condolences. Check out the gallery below for more Frankenstein fun and see if you can guess the peeps involved.

Top Row: Paris Hilton & Jessica Simpson, Jessica Biel & Julia Roberts, Hillary & Bill Clinton, Natalie Portman & Kiera Knightley

Second Row: Oprah Winfrey & Condoleezza Rice, Johnny Depp & Orlando Bloom, Will Smith & Bill Clinton, Owen Wilson & Ben Stiller, Meryl Streep & Paris Hilton

Third Row: Condoleezza Rice & Hillary Clinton

Source

One Mention of Paris Hilton...

GiggleSugar — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 14:00:00 -0800

...and the standards (such as they are) of The View take a nosedive. First they're talking about Paris getting pulled over by the cops, then they're talking about sex with horses. I kid you not.

Flashgame! Warp Paris Hilton

GiggleSugar — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 15:00:00 -0800

And you thought Paris had a wonky eye before! Click on this link to Warp Paris Hilton's Face. If you're feeling generous toward undeserving celebs and feel Paris has been picked on enough, you'll get instructions on how to warp an image of your own face.

Paris Pumps Gas...Without Lifting A Finger

GiggleSugar — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 14:00:00 -0800

Poor Paris. A car can't run on good looks alone, so she ran out of fuel. Too bad she's never pumped gas in her life. But to spare Paris the trouble and broken bones that this woman encountered at the pump, her neighborhood paparazzi came to the rescue. She coughed up the cash, they fetched the gas, and they even returned her change...WTF?!

Everyone's Favorite Junk Food

GiggleSugar — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 04:02:00 -0800

Mmmm...crunchy. Also offered in Cool Raunch flavor.

Source