gigglesugar -- Byte-sized comedy.

Dirt Cheap ("Cheep, Cheep!") Commercial

GiggleSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Microsoft recently suspended an ad campaign featuring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld because no one liked it and it failed to make them look cool. (I love ya, Jerry, but since when does Jerry Seinfeld make anything look cool?) I'm sure they spent a bajillion dollars on it, and it doesn't come close to the awesomeness of this Dirt Cheap commercial. The message is simple. The "actors" in it (and I use the term loosely, unless you count a person in a chicken suit an actor) are charming. And it makes me want to go buy booze from Dirt Cheap. What more could you ask for? "Cheep, cheep!"

Tampax Really Knows How to Nix the Menstruation Taboo

GiggleSugar — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 12:00:00 -0700

As if there isn't enough weirdness surrounding the menstruation taboo, the creative minds over at Tampax deem it fun and appropriate to suggest that menstruating women can suck the water up out of pools — because of the highly absorbent artillery they shove up themselves for period relief. Thanks to tampons, absolutely nothing can escape a menstruating woman's vajayjay. Nothing! Which is exactly what we women want: the ability to suck everything up there. Right?

Charmin Thinks Ass Hygiene Is the Sh*t

GiggleSugar — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Have the toilet-paper people run out of crap to talk about? For a long time, the buzz was about how "soft" various brands were, followed by the exciting "double-roll" sitch, and now . . . TP butt residue? This is fearmongering at its finest. I can't say I'm familiar with the "pieces left behind" problem, but now that Charmin raises the issue, I'm officially paranoid. Toilet paper clinging to my shoe, I can handle. Butt my ass? Let's not go there.

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What's the Big Idea Behind This Sneaky Gatorade Ad?

GiggleSugar — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

I watched the following vid and was overjoyed to see a chick finally kick arse at a male sporting event. But a little research later revealed that our bat girl never made this Spidey-inspired catch; the vid is actually a staged advertisement for Gatorade. The illegitimacy of the play makes me wonder if the Gatorade folks are mocking women's athletic potential with this ad, or on the flip side, if they're seeking to unsettle established gender norms and advance the girls-can-do-anything message. Or a bit a both? Tell me what you think.

What's the Big Idea Behind This Sneaky Gatorade Ad?

Give Gatorade a break. Why would the company alienate a portion of its customer base?

Oh yes, Gatorade's laughing: "If a woman pulls this off, it's gotta be fake. Ha, ha, ha!"

It's questionable, but who cares? Go girl power!

Warning: Buy This Car and You Will Get Eaten

GiggleSugar — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

The folks over at Ford wanted to announce that their Ka city car is now roomier and can accommodate more peeps. Why they chose to market this message by showing a (nonpurple) people-eating monster binge on a car full of defenseless passengers is beyond me. It's just doesn't seem very kosher.

Isn't the "Cashman" a Little Too Old for This?

GiggleSugar — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 07:00:00 -0700

This ad starts out as any low-budget pawn shop commercial would: some overly energetic douche stands too close to the camera while begging to buy your junk from you. But William Oliver, the self-titled "Cashman," doesn't settle for run-of-the-mill. He knows how to differentiate himself from the rest — by way of a sleazy jingle and a few scantily-clad backup dancers. Novel, no?

Horny Hedgehog Sells a Sponge

GiggleSugar — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Sex sells, but there's nothing remotely sexy about a sponge, especially a dirty sponge. Well, some advertising sleazeball thought a filthy sponge was exactly what this world needed, so he made hedgehog-on-sponge porn and called it a commercial. It's shameless, unnecessary, and my poor dishes now feel betrayed.

Flashback: '50s Cigarette Commercial

GiggleSugar — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 03:00:00 -0700

The smokers of the 1950s had no idea just how harmful lighting up could be. At the time, there was no hard evidence to definitively link cigarette use with chronic or fatal health conditions, so tobacco companies had free reign to claim that their "snow fresh, filtered cool" smokes would leave the throat feeling refreshed and clean. Hmm. Is that what throat cancer feels like? I can only imagine. (Want more old-fashioned cigarette propaganda? Click here.)

WTF Is Sweden On?!

GiggleSugar — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 16:15:00 -0700

A few weeks ago, I stumbled across a nonsensical Swedish McDonald's commercial. Today, I stumbled across six nonsensical Swedish McDonald's commercials. They're all part of the same funked-up ad campaign. And they're all pretty damn effective, if you ask me.

Car Salesman Will Satisfy All My WHAT?!

GiggleSugar — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

You know what they say about fetishes: The more you try to suppress them, the more they'll consume you and take over. Mr. Harrelson Toyota has something other than cars on his mind — an obsession of sorts — butt I can't quite put my finger on it . . .

No False Promises Here

GiggleSugar — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 07:00:00 -0700

The commercial opens with a chubby old dude jumping rope on a tropical beach while dressed in a pink, two-piece workout outfit. Is it not obvious? It's straight out of Japan, which means it's only gonna get better from here — or worse, depending on your tolerance for improbable body morphing, unwarranted sex changes, and other forms of "creative" advertising. All this to sell a stinking bottle of hornet juice . . .

WTF?!

GiggleSugar — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 14:00:00 -0700

There may be a whole lotta white underpants, fruity ornaments, and groin action up in here, but don't be deceived. This is not an ad for Fruit of the Loom; it's a commercial for Altoids. Tell me, how is some sick sexual fetish supposed to make me want to grab for a breath mint? But these are sour mints, which I guess pair well with the sour look of disgust on my face right now. So there you have it.

The Most Influential Commercial Known to Man, Woman, Dog

GiggleSugar — Fri, 30 May 2008 09:53:47 -0700

Let's consider: the bacon-scented bacon print tuxedo, the bacon scarf, the 60-slice bacon cheese Whopper, bacon mathematics, the bacon alarm clock, Bacon by Victoria, pocket bacon, bacon mints, bacon bandages, and last but not least, bacon-flavored dog treats. What's the single most influential food item known to man, woman, and dog alike? It's . . . BACON!!!

Was This Banned Ad Too Naughty For TV?

GiggleSugar — Thu, 29 May 2008 15:00:00 -0700

The following commercial for the Chrysler Concorde was banned from TV a few years ago. The Chrysler folks did away with the standard car-commercial spiel, amped up the sex appeal, and offended a few consumers in the process. While some didn't see the harm in a backseat sex joke, others found it completely inappropriate to use off-color humor to market a spacious family sedan. Four years later, with the rise of print ads like this and raunch reality all over TV, are we still offended by this kind of advertising ploy?

Was This Banned Ad Too Naughty For TV?

Yes. There are other ways to think outside the box and the backseat!

No. Sex has always been used to sell cars. Get with the program.

Eh. The ad broke the mold, but like this gal's randy parents, it went a bit too far.

Flashback: '70s Ice Cream Ad

GiggleSugar — Tue, 27 May 2008 14:00:00 -0700

If I didn't know better, I would've assumed this was the prequel to the 2 Girls, 1 Nasty nightmare that recently swept the net. But this is actually how they sold ice cream in the '70s. Lick happy much? Either I have a dirty mind or advertisers were downright shameless back in the day. Or both.

Jim Gaffigan: A Director's Worst Nightmare

GiggleSugar — Mon, 26 May 2008 03:00:00 -0700

It's no secret that I love me a hearty helping of Jim Gaffigan (with a little Hot Pocket on the side) every now and then. The dude is downright hilarious. But I bet the director of this Saturn commercial thought otherwise after trying to get Jimmy to follow the script —he just wouldn't, couldn't, and as far as I'm concerned, shouldn't keep his lines. The man is damn funny off the cuff.

Pizza and Bad Advertising For the Price of One?!

GiggleSugar — Fri, 23 May 2008 15:00:00 -0700

I don't suppose any of you have been following the Domino's pizza commercials, but I have. And I want to know what those peeps are putting in their crusts. From the Oreo Dessert beard to this deranged attempt to give the actors more credibility by enlarging their sense organs, someone's baking up some crazy sh*t over at Domino's HQ. Which is so unnecessary. Last I heard, pizza sells itself.

Flashback: The NKOTB Fan Club

GiggleSugar — Wed, 21 May 2008 03:00:00 -0700

The New Kids on the Block were a hit boy band back in the late '80s and early '90s. Who would've thunk that they could reunite over a decade later and still have fans traveling far, lining up, and sleeping in tents on NYC street corners to see them perform live on the Today Show? If NKOTB's middle-aged female fans of today are anything like the teenage zombies who adored them back in the day, then I'm officially scared. The teenyboppers in the commercial below were out of control.

Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go Buy Junk

GiggleSugar — Mon, 19 May 2008 01:00:00 -0700

As if the crap for sale at pawn shops isn't questionable enough, these dudes think talking like Ahnold and taking a public leak in the middle of their own shop will compel customers to "get down here now." More like, get outta here now — and they won't be back. Unless, of course, they discover that the oversized diamond engagement ring they bought was really an overpriced cubic zirconia set on a band of fool's gold.

"Groovy Dancing Girl" Got Her Big Break!

GiggleSugar — Fri, 16 May 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Once a vid goes viral on the Internet, the peeps in it become the stuff of website chatter, email trails, talk show appearances, and if they're extremely lucky, commercials and modeling deals. No joke. Groovy Dancing Girl's debut performance left everyone entranced and wanting more, including Etam denim, a French fashion label. She's its new spokesperson, model, and dancer extraordinaire. Watch this ad and try to resist wanting your own pair of these jazzy jammin' jeans. They're not gonna move this way for all of us, but here's to hoping . . .

The Walk of Shame Gets an Anthem

GiggleSugar — Mon, 12 May 2008 15:00:00 -0700

As if any of us needs an anthem and an energy drink to rally us out of some stranger's bed for the long sprint home in last night's heels. The folks over at AMP Energy think we need a song of support and some caffeine for these dreaded walks of shame, but that's not what we need. We need to forget last night ever happened and get the hell home, like, five hours ago. Two aspirin and a shower would be nice, too. That's what we need.

Flashback: Low-Budget '80s Advertising

GiggleSugar — Thu, 08 May 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Don't let the awkward dancing and forced hype fool you. This is not an infomercial for another lame-ass "greatest hits" album. It's a low-budget ad for another lame-ass local restaurant posing as a lame-ass "greatest hits" album — natch. What would compel an eating establishment to advertise its low prices and menu options as an album that isn't available in stores because nobody wants it in the first place? The '80s.

Heidi Klum Talks to a Car for Money

GiggleSugar — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:00:00 -0700

It's one thing to film a commercial spot and quite another to sit down and have an on-camera conversation with a friggin' car. But Heidi Klum can sit pretty and talk to inanimate objects or pretend her boobs are lethal bazookas all she wants. As long as she's the host of Project Runway, our German supermodel can do no wrong.

Bunnies Are Lovers, Not Actors

GiggleSugar — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 02:00:00 -0700

A Finnish real estate company wanted to kill the market with cuteness by making a commercial filled with bouncing bunnies. They are adorable, but these bunnies have a different kind of bounce in mind. Listen for the director, who keeps yelling "poikki!" (or "cut!") in the background. Did he miss the memo? Sex sells.

Flashback: Effed Up '50s Folgers Ad

GiggleSugar — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 02:00:00 -0700

Back in the '50s, well-intentioned housewives were scolded and shunned for pouring their husbands distasteful cups of coffee. In a day and age when the worth of a woman was judged solely on her beauty and homemaking skills, a bad cup of java warranted a good amount of verbal abuse. If Folgers was the secret weapon to fend off a hubby's ungrateful rebuke, no wonder they came to call it "the best part of waking up." In a perfect world, "the best part of waking up" would've been this lady hurling the hot cup of coffee at her husband. With a little creamer to boot. (For more sexist fun with Folgers, click here.)

Have You Ever Felt This Good on the Pot?

GiggleSugar — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:00:00 -0700

This Korean commercial for LooLoo, a brand of toilet bidet, makes an everyday restroom break seem like a water-rafting adventure through the pleasant waters flowing from . . . your toilet bowl. Refreshing, eh? The swing beat in the background suggests this throne will make us wanna "Sing, Sing, Sing," but I only sing on public transportation when people can hear me and have no escape options. I stopped singing on the potty when I was four. Sorry.

Dude on a Tampon Run Must Decide: Mini or Super?

GiggleSugar — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 07:00:00 -0700

With the vast array of brands and "sleek designs" and colors and smells and grips and absorption options, how does a dude on a tampon run make a selection? Let's just say his fingers take no part in the picking. Neither does his brain.

Presidential Hopefuls Reach a New Low

GiggleSugar — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 11:00:00 -0700

It's a smackdown! Presidential hopefuls and their antics have been put in their place — the farcical WWE wrestling ring. Throw "Hill-rod" and Obama into the ring and we finally have some real fighting up in here. The dainty scarf tied stylishly 'round her neck is fierce, but can it beat his Cheshire cat smile? Winner takes on the McCainiacs in November. Who ya got?

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Pope Bobblehead Rides Public Transportation

GiggleSugar — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Pope Benedict is visiting Washington this week, so the city created TV ads encouraging people to take the Metro rail, featuring — what else? — a papal bobblehead. Apparently, the ads have since been pulled, which is a shame. The Latin chanting, the copy of Car and Pontiff, and the wobbly plastic Pope buying a commemorative rail "mass pass" . . . it's all too bizarre to believe.

If Men Had Breasts . . .

GiggleSugar — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 01:00:00 -0700

Believe it or not, this bouncing boobfest is sponsored by the folks of a breast cancer awareness organization. They think the best way to get women in gear to check themselves regularly is to put an over-sized pair of "fun bags" on a dude and have him laugh and frolic around as if he hasn't a care in the world — as if his ta-tas weren't susceptible to swelling, tenderness, and nasty lumps. But we'll see if he's still drooling over his newfound assets when that insufferable backache kicks in. We don't need these gimmicks, ladies. Check yourselves — for your own good. (Not his.)

Just @#$% It!

GiggleSugar — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 02:00:00 -0700

A couple of ad guys had a boring product on their hands, so they went online and made a viral vid to promote the product— without making any mention of the product. Ridiculous or genius? You decide. They took the The Office, added unnecessary censorship, some sexual innuendo, and the end result is your nagging curiosity. What the @#$% is everyone talking about? What two words are they repeating? By the end of the vid, I bet you'll head over to the company's website to get some @#$%ing answers. Before you do, let me know what you think these office peeps are saying in the comments.

I Suddenly Lost My Appetite

GiggleSugar — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Honey Monster is the face of Sugar Puffs, a brand of cereal sold in the UK, and I'm just not buying how this dude is marketable. He's big, burly, and sounds like he has a relentless case of indigestion — yum! As this commercial demonstrates, he can sit down to breakfast and get his crimp on, but he doesn't have the courtesy to clear his throat. Not once. And this somehow sells cereal?

Flashback: My Buddy

GiggleSugar — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Most boys nowadays play with mutant Transformers, hypermasculine G.I. Joe action figures, or plain ol' Legos, but back in the '80s, there was another boy toy on the market. The doll they called "My Buddy" defied all gender norms because it was designed to go where no doll had gone before — straight into the arms of a loving little dude. The doll had big, blue eyes, a button nose, a mane to brush, and a rainbow-colored shirt on his back. In other words, he was freaking awesome. But sadly, "My Buddy" lost momentum in the '90s and we haven't seen anything like him since. (That little freak Chucky doesn't count.)

Intentionally Bad Low-Budget Commercial = Viral Video Success!

GiggleSugar — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Is this just another low-budget commercial for some second-rate, Hooters-inspired joint called Knockers or an elaborate internet parody? It has to be a joke. The dude that does all the talking is as exciting as a tenth-grade geometry teacher, the imported French chef serves up nothing but buffalo wings, and not one, not two, but 15 TVs pack the place. The ad can't be for real, but if you call the number at the end of the commercial, you discover — it's for real. And these pig-headed geniuses exaggerated things a bit so the ad would be entertaining enough to go viral. Mission accomplished.

Flashback: Saved by the Buddy Bands

GiggleSugar — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 03:00:00 -0700

Back in the 90s, when people wore cheap-looking shite, these buddy bands were a badass buy. Slater, Kelly, and Jessie came up with the concept for a class project and their assignment was to market and sell as many BBs as possible. The following was a totally ~~bad~~ rad commercial they "just threw together" for class. I'm sure that skeeve Jessie insisted on the hoochie mama halter tops. If I gave the grades, they'd get an automatic point deduction for Slater's curly mullet and Kelly's high-waisted mom jeans.

Flashback: Honey Bear and the Super Sugar Crisp Wh*re

GiggleSugar — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Honey Bear and his tiny-waisted, blond hussy of a girlfriend ward off an eco-hatin' villain in this '70s cereal ad. The antipollution message was ahead of its time, but what's with the Paris Hilton look-a-like here? And why is she so blatantly sex driven? Not only is her micro miniskirt — uh — inappropriate, but her man is blatantly cereal driven. That fake southern drawl will never be sweet enough to get this dude's attention, honey.

(Please Don't) Leave It to Beaver

GiggleSugar — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 11:00:00 -0700

U is the Australian variety of Kotex products. The commercial for the brand, albeit cute, is completely jacked. I wouldn't be surprised if a pack of men seated around a boardroom table enthusiastically approved this ad campaign: "OK, mates. How 'bout we have a big, furry beaver stand in for a chick's you-know-what, parade it around town, pamper the crikey outta it, and at the end of the day, give the thing what its always wanted — a box of tampons!" Ironically, the website for these products promises to "take the 'oo' out of the vagina taboo". . . with a big anthropomorphic beaver?

Sharon and Fred Do Movies

GiggleSugar — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 07:33:30 -0700

Sharon and Fred do movies, but they should really do their own sitcom. Just watch Sharon. Her deadpan stare and robotic script reading couldn't be more uncomfortable or entertaining. She's either camera shy or really hates her job. Or maybe she's silently fuming cuz Fred needs to be reminded of their anniversary every year and he never follows through with sending his parents that movie he's been promising every year so they don't have the memories of their every year together compiled into a neat, nifty movie that just might improve everyone's lives. (Cuz that's what movies do; they improve lives.) Or maybe Sharon's just a really good comedic actress. Whatever the case, this commercial kicks some low-budget ass.

Much Ado About Cockroaches

GiggleSugar — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 14:45:00 -0800

I have no idea what this sales dude is saying, but the fact that he's pelvic thrusting down a roach-ridden back alley is telling enough. Somebody needs to advise homeboy huffer here to use the cockroach spray as directed. What else would explain this kind of enthusiasm over a widespread roach infestation problem?

Flashback: The M&M's Man

GiggleSugar — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 16:00:00 -0800

Is it just me, or is it a wee-bit disturbing to watch Mr. Happy pull up in his sketch van and use candy to lure a gang of kids outta their neighborhood? He cheerfully sings the entire time, but pay attention to his lyrics. They're candy coated on the outside and choc full of creepy on the inside. The double entendres abound! Just sayin'. . .

Pine-Sol Hunk Shows Us the Dirty Side of Clean

GiggleSugar — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 15:00:00 -0800

Who wants to see another commercial actor huff-and-puff while scrubbing away at toilet bowl grime? It's been long overdue. So this generic Pine-Sol product has a new sales pitch: the cleaning hunk. He's smoking hot, ripped, and eager to please. The bonus? He dusts! I'm sold. Who needs romance novels when you can have your house cleaned and enjoy the view too?

Cable Company Goes For Commercial Gold

GiggleSugar — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:30:00 -0800

A rapping salesman is always a telltale sign of a low-budget commercial, but there's no way in paradise this ad kept the costs down. Any company that books the Pirates of the Caribbean for their commercial, along with a singing sea monster and a bunch of beached mermaids, ain't safeguarding the piggy bank. It all paid off in the end cuz this is the best low-budget-looking-but-high-budget-costing ad that arrrr've ever seen. (Thanks, Jezebel!)

Low-Budget Commercial Needs to "Back That Thang Up!"

GiggleSugar — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0800

I'm confused. Are we selling furniture, a check cashing service, or unbridled patriotism here? And why is a half-dressed chick shaking her bon-bon while standing atop a couch, why are the salesmen shirtless, and what's with all the hootin', hollerin', and flag waving? And what "thang" are we trying to back up— our lack of clientele? Behold the mysteries of low-budget advertising. . .

We Have So Many TVs, We're Throwing Them Off the Roof!

GiggleSugar — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 10:00:00 -0800

Because what could be more American than "disposing" of old TVs by throwing them off the roof? How about a free American flag with every purchase?!

When Birth Control Goes Bad

GiggleSugar — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 01:00:00 -0800

You know those birth control ads that promise you'll get your period only one week a year? Sounds nice until you consider how truly terrifying that week might be. This Saturday Night Live parody ponders an annual period that requires you to "hold on to your f*cking hat," and if you ever decide to become pregnant, this pill may "turn your baby into a firemonster." I especially like the cheeky visual metaphors, such as the single pink sneaker on the shelf.

Flashback: Old Timey Commercials for Old School Games

GiggleSugar — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 01:30:00 -0800

What were we thinking? One game encouraged impressionable kiddos to play with dynamite and another had them steal cheese from a mouse trap. Let's not forget Poppin Hoppies, the game promoted by a slurring, drunken, cartoon narrator who's clearly "popped" open a few already. And then there's my all-time fave: The Big Sneeze. Germs didn't exist back in the '60s, so an uncovered sneeze was a hoot 'n hollering good time!

Selling Shoes and Crotch Shots, Are We?

GiggleSugar — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 08:00:00 -0800

Japan is known for its zany game shows and TV antics, but this Asics shoe commercial is just low. These pervs don't even show the shoes in action. They've got a different kind of action on the brain, which only makes me want to run out and buy a pair. . .of pants. This poor woman could certainly use them.

Craving Another Low-Budget Eagle Man Commercial?

GiggleSugar — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 02:00:00 -0800

Eagle Insurance broke open the piggy bank and made another redonkulous ad for our viewing hilarity. To keep things "fresh," they gave Eagle Man the boot and replaced him with a woman — Eagle Woman. Sex sells and she just has more appeal. You'll see.

The Eagle of All Commercials Has Landed (Again)

GiggleSugar — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 16:00:00 -0800

Remember Eagle Man, the creepy talking bird who laid an egg on some chick's car? He's ba-ack and more explosive than ever. Eagle Insurance amped up the budget for the ad below, but this didn't improve the quality of the commercial— it just made the insanity last even longer. Mustachioed woman? Rocket eggs? Lowbrow unfunny humor? It's all there. Oh, and some insurance quotes, too.

Who Doesn't Love a Happy Ending?

GiggleSugar — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 09:00:00 -0800

More importantly, who doesn't love mending a broken heart with a gooey, molten stream of gourmet goodness? The makers of this chocolate are shamelessly pandering to the wants and needs of premenstrual, spinster women around Valentine's Day — ahem, ahem — but who cares? I'll dive into a bar of liquid chocolate any day. (Speaking of, have you entered the GiggleSugar V-Day chocolate-for-a-year giveaway? Mmmm. . .)