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Geek Gag: Microsoft Ads Crash TVs!

geeksugar — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:00:46 -0700

Check out this hilarious spoof of Microsoft's blue screen of death by the nation's most trusted satirist, The Onion.

You thought there'd be no fallout from those new "I'm a PC" commercials? Think again. Gates will blue screen your home TV!

And you thought the Seinfeld ads were bad . . .

First Openly Gay Horse to Compete in Race

GiggleSugar — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Meet Ship's Captain, the first openly gay horse to compete in a major race. Rumors have swirled around a number of famous horses since time immemorial, but since they chose not to disclose their sexual leanings, other homosexual horses, including plough horses and ponies, have had to remain in the closet. (That must be one huge closet!) Thank heavens that horses who love horses of the same sex can now love openly, and without shame. They're here, they're queer, get used to it!

Meteorologists Predict an Extremely Brisk Autumn

GiggleSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

What with hurricanes and tornadoes scaring the bejeezus out of everyone, meteorologists are chasing that next big news story that will make them feel relevant. The solution? Report on "an extremely brisk Autumn" filled with loads of "crunchy leaves" and kids out playing ball in "extremely moderate weather." Scary stuff!

Disney Unveils Its New Genetically Engineered Child Stars!

GiggleSugar — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 11:20:00 -0700

Miley Cyrus, Zac Efron, Hilary Duff. That's how you know them, but to the scientists at Disney's Genetic Engineering Lab where child stars are produced, they're referred to as 6831-A, B, and C. You see, at the Disney lab, their brains were engineered for dancing and singing and their looks tweaked from the same genetic structure. Let's check in with the Onion News Network and their report on Disney's new batch of stars, including Haley, a half-Japanese, half-Indian girl who sings, dances, and snowboards . . .

Yelp Gets a Rival in the Decider, Courtesy of the Onion

geeksugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:00:18 -0700

I'm a longtime Yelp user, but lately things are getting a little crowded and messy in there. But it looks like I'll have options pretty soon: The Onion (yes, that Onion) is launching a new website for users to rate businesses, called Decider. It's not satirical, like its founder, but sincere, much like the AV Club.

So far, the only city Decider is in is Chicago, but they are planning to open it up for other cities soon, and so far, I'm a fan. The layout is clean and is sort of a hybrid of Yelp and CitySearch, employing the former's social networking and user ratings, and the latter's more formal elements, such as the editorial descriptions of businesses before the reviews.

I'm not taking sides; I can be a Yelper and a Decider — they just better get to San Francisco quick!

Cosmopolitan Magazine's Institute on How to Please Your Man Is Dunzo

GiggleSugar — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

In addition to teaching women the crucial skill of "shitting themselves thin," Cosmopolitan magazine has been there for women for by teaching them how to please men in every way, shape, form, and permutation you can imagine. (Cuz, like, that's our duty in life, got it?) Well, you can't say trashy-ass Cosmo hasn't been consistent. It was, after all, "founded to make sure men get all the pleasure they can that is humanly possible." Who cares about women's pleasure!

Flashback: "Fake Jan" on the Brady Bunch Variety Hour

GiggleSugar — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 06:53:51 -0700

Remember fake Darrin (Bewitched) and fake Jan (Brady Bunch)? The Onion's AV Club reminded me of what they called "jarring cases of recast roles" in sitcoms. So I dug up this gem of a video — "fake Jan" on a short-lived (and ill-conceived) Brady Bunch variety hour. Poor fake Jan! And I thought the original Jan (Eve Plumb) had it bad.

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Domino's Scientists Test Limits of What Humans Will Eat

GiggleSugar — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

This satirical news story is probably closer to the truth than we'd like to think. Turns out that Domino's Pizza is really just one grand experiment to test the limits of what humans will eat. The findings? Short of garbage on a cardboard crust (and probably that, too!) — anything. They'll eat just anything. I must admit it. I, too, am a "cheese and sauce consuming beast." (Hangs head in shame.)

Tiny Dog Has Been Barking Nonstop for 6 Years

GiggleSugar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Meet Taffy. She's cute, but she's been barking nonstop for six years straight. In her sleep. While she eats. Perhaps even when she moves to the great beyond. I think we all live near a Taffy. . .

Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013

GiggleSugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 04:00:00 -0700

Experts conclude that unless something is done to curb our consumption of the juggernaut known as Miley Cyrus, Inc., she will go the way of the Lindsay Lohans and Olsen twins of today. All of those entities, says a noted entertainment scientist, "were bountiful entertainment resources that our overconsumption reduced to smoldering remnants." He continues ominously, "We are burning through Miley at a far more aggressive rate." Conserve, people, conserve! Starlets like this don't come down the pike every day. Oh, wait. Yeah they do.