Miley Cyrus, Zac Efron, Hilary Duff. That's how you know them, but to the scientists at Disney's Genetic Engineering Lab where child stars are produced, they're referred to as 6831-A, B, and C. You see, at the Disney lab, their brains were engineered for dancing and singing and their looks tweaked from the same genetic structure.
In addition to teaching women the crucial skill of "shitting themselves thin," Cosmopolitan magazine has been there for women for by teaching them how to please men in every way, shape, form, and permutation you can imagine. (Cuz, like, that's our duty in life, got it?) Well, you can't say trashy-ass Cosmo hasn't been consistent. It was, after all, "founded to make sure men get all the pleasure they can that is humanly possible."
Oh, man. This is vintage
Ben Stiller again from his '90s show. Here he is mocking U2 (but mostly Bono) in their Achtung, Baby and Zooropa era.
The Google Maps Street View feature isn't just looking into your windows and
spying on your cats. It's looking into the future and spying on your soul! Bwahahahahaha!
Before Ben Stiller made it big-time and developed that sheen of smugness that's on so many successful funny men in Hollywood (you know who you are!), he was being hilarious on The Ben Stiller Show. I am so glad I found this gem, because it makes fun of a dude I am perversely fascinated with: motivational speaker Tony Robbins. I used to love coming home from a night of drinking, stuffing my face with junk food, only to find that the only thing on television was this Sasquatch of a man with blinding white teeth and a disturbingly deep baritone telling me how to be successful and unleash the winner within.
It's a sad week, people.
Bennigan's has filed for bankruptcy. Where, oh, where am I going to get my deep-fried cheese sticks, chicken strips (aka "Chicken Fingers"), and well, fried whatever with a blue cheese dipping sauce in a friendly, corporate, nondescript atmosphere?
Say what you will about social networking on sites like Facebook — that it brings people together, reinvigorates writing as a form of communication, yaddah yaddah. This video shows why virtual poking and wall writing is superior to poking and wall writing in real life.
It's terrifying.
This satirical news story is probably closer to the truth than we'd like to think. Turns out that Domino's Pizza is really just one grand experiment to test the limits of what humans will eat. The findings?
Meet Taffy. She's cute, but she's been barking nonstop for six years straight. In her sleep.
Experts conclude that unless something is done to curb our consumption of the juggernaut known as Miley Cyrus, Inc., she will go the way of the Lindsay Lohans and Olsen twins of today. All of those entities, says a noted entertainment scientist, "were bountiful entertainment resources that our overconsumption reduced to smoldering remnants." He continues ominously, "We are burning through Miley at a far more aggressive rate."
